Humour Column: the New Year is in as mangos head out
FOLKS, judging from the number of 'Back to School' ads appearing on tele we must be getting close to the end of mango season?
And not a moment too soon; I'm just about mangoe'd out.
It's one of the irony's of my life that just as I reach the stage where chunks of mango are falling out of my mouth faster than I can stuff them in, the Honey Gold mangos arrive.
Let's not beat around the bush, Honey Golds are the cocaine of the mango crop.
How addictive are they?
Well, I once saw two grown men fighting over a case of Honey Gold mangos with the desperation of a pair of hobos duking it out for the last swallow from a bottle of rotgut.
Sadly, I was one of them.
The vendor had just given the two of us a piece each to sample and her smile looked a lot like the one the evil stepmother had on her dial when she tossed Snow White the poisoned apple.
She knew three things; the first was my workmate and I would be instantly hooked, secondly, there was only one box left and thirdly, we would both be extremely keen to buy it.
Extremely keen in a way that made Gollum's desire for the one ring look like a passing whim.
Fortunately, I'd been brainwashed by years of watching Sesame Street, so we wound up divvying up the loot and scurrying home to stuff our faces.
So each November as the mangos hit the shelves my mental countdown to Honey Gold season begins.
In the meantime, I take the edge off my cravings by slobbering through a small mountain of Calypsos and R2E2s like a starving fruit bat.
Plus, this summer I conducted extensive tests to find out what type of alcohol is best served with mango.
The result? All of them.
Still, in the name of science, I repeated my research several times over; just to be sure.
As a result, I was a bit over mangos, just as the Honey Golds appeared in my fridge.
I'll wind up eating them all, even the ones I've frozen to eat later in the year.
Fortunately I've got another 10 months to try and kick the habit.