FUN OF IT: Locusts are highly annoying, just like the Caveman.
FUN OF IT: Locusts are highly annoying, just like the Caveman. Samuel Cardwell-AAP

Life would be easier if people came with instruction manuals

I WAS having a discussion with an old co-worker the other day about some hard-hitting topic, as I do.

We were discussing how much easier life would be if we all came with instruction manuals.

What a fantastic concept; imagine the ease with which you would be able to negotiate everyday life.

Walking down the street, oop, there he is, do not make direct eye contact man.

Excellent, conflict averted.

Imagine going to a bar, and seeing the instruction manuals on all the women at the bar that you were considering hitting on.

Hey, I'm the Stage 5 clinger, buy me a drink I'll haunt you for life.

Perfect, avoid that one, unless you're into that.

Instead, I might head to strictly business girl, warning, don't get close to me; I'll only break your heart.

Sounds much more like what you're looking for on a cheeky Friday night.

The most menial of issues, which can manifest themselves into lifelong feuds, could be avoided if this game-changing concept was taken up.

You would know not to rile certain people, what makes them tic, what makes them fume, and therefore ensure a much more productive and generally happier world we live in.

Unless, of course, like me, you are a pest.

For those of us who thrive on people's reactions (seriously it's a curse), these instruction manuals would simply be making the game way too easy for us.

Rather than having to work for that satisfying outburst of annoyance from a co-worker, friend or family member, sometimes for days at a time, we would simply be able to pinpoint an exact mode of attack, and have an eruption of fury in mere seconds.

It would almost take the fun out of it for us, and in doing so, take the fun out of human interaction.

So although it may be a world- changing idea, perhaps I'm not a fan of the human instruction manual.

I remember as a kid (okay so not that long ago), I would literally engage in a day-long bombardment of annoying behaviour aimed at my sister (Mel, this isn't an apology, I will continue to annoy you for the foreseeable future), whether it be classic in-your-face annoying, repeating words, flicking, or more tactical behaviour, i.e. ringing them with a simple annoying phrase, then emailing the same phrase and sending repeated text messages of the phrase, the end result was always worth the effort.

To see the look of sheer frustration, bewilderment and at times fury, just from singing a song repeatedly, well, it's one of the most satisfying feelings in the world.

It's the pest's equivalent of scaling Everest.

So although it may be a world- changing idea, perhaps I'm not a fan of the human instruction manual.

On a slight side note, this is a shout out to anyone out there who does read this absolute shemozzle that is my thoughts.

If you have got a bit of time up your sleeve in April, do yourselves a favour and grab a ticket to Boy and Bear, at Harvey Rd Tavern, on April23.

This region is crying out for more quality live music, and the only way we can entice bands up this way is to give these guys a huge turnout when they do make the effort to come here, as they then tell others in the industry how enjoyable playing a certain region is.

And so more and more bands will hopefully make the pilgrimage to humble Gladstone, and that's how we turn this town from one where the biggest hits of a Saturday night normally come from a bloke's right hook, to a place where people can go and enjoy a beer and a great band.