Licensed to kill or at least intimidate
WE might not have 'guns' in this country but we don't need them. We have motor vehicles.
These seem to be our weapons of choice when it come to intimidation and on occasion, death.
What is it about Australians and their God-given right to bear a Hi-lux?
Sure they come in handy when a cyclist tries to share your road. Here's a chance to teach the lycra-clad whippets a lesson in real engine power. Give 'em a nudge to put them in their place, preferably flat on the ground. "Yeah, eat my chrome bull bar you sinewy strip of s--t".
Going from A to B on two less-toxic wheels appears to be a crime against transport in this country.
Then there's the economy-boosting tourist that is not familiar with our landscape nor those members of the four-wheel-drive fraternity who will purposely strike them down if they venture onto the bitumen. Try and snap an image of those attractive trees we purposely plant on the edge of the road at your peril.
Yes, driving at these free-range tourists at high speed should confirm they are "f___ing idiots and need to get off the road"... "This has been an Australian safety announcement".
The fact these visitors come from densely populated cities where traffic is bumper to bumper, always in sight and generally moves at a maximum speed of 10km/h is irrelevant. They're in our country now, our laws, our 100km/h way.
An empty road is a common sight here in Australia but a new phenomenon to the traveller where the little guy hilariously has priority over a killing machine on wheels. What are these countries thinking?
The temptation to step out on an empty street to get an nice photograph is an overly confident move but is ultimately naive because in this country, roads are made for truckin' so best you stay out of the way.
Perhaps we need to make this attitude clearer to our visitors. Some handy literature to warn about the hoards of cranky, impatient motorists waiting around every corner, on a mission to keep our roads clear of pesky pedestrians.
Being greeted with a barrage of abuse and a general lack of braking in their vicinity is the hot tip "ya, idiots" need but it's obvious we need to do more to prepare them.
Pedestrian crossings are a good way to gauge how many of this particular breed of driver is about.
If you feel the breeze of said land cruiser on your back before you reach the other side, you are clearly walking too slowly, and if you think you can reverse park before the car in your rear vision mirror barges past, you've got another thing coming "love".
Same goes with the merging lane conversation that often takes place with one's self: "I don't feel like letting anyone in today so I won't. In fact I never let anyone in, especially you. The person behind me can do that. I have places to be and people to see".
Of course the occasional death is the price visitors, cyclists and indigenous people have to pay in order to inhabit the same traffic space as the full throttle brigade of Oz.
Vehicles in this country don't run on unleaded or diesel, they are powered by hatred.
Maybe it's a mobile version of the casual violence one may experience around the home and we're just taking the high road to justify it.
You may not get in your car with murderous intent but given the acceleration in the number of road rage incidents, perhaps our tourist slogans needs to be updated as a matter of urgency: "Welcome to Australia, now stay outta my f____ way" should do the trick.