In the right light and from certain angles Gladstone looks amazing.
In the right light and from certain angles Gladstone looks amazing. Gladstone Marina

Getting stuck trying to write a song about Gladstone

FOLKS, I don't think there is such a thing as an official Gladstone anthem, but I could be wrong.

I often am.

There's probably a few poems about Gladstone, but the only mention our neck of the woods gets in music is in Redgum's depressing song, 'Gladstone Pier'.

If you're too lazy to Google it, the words 'boom town refugees' will give you some idea of the song's less than chirpy theme.

I reckon it's time our village had it's own song.

An inspirational tune that captures our city's essence, it's core, it's values, it's, well, vibe.

So, being a bit of a creative type, I thought I'd get the ball rolling and whip up a jingle to swell the hearts of my fellow Gladstonians.

I didn't realise writing a song about Gladstone could be so tricky.

For starters, the only words I can think of which sort of rhyme with Gladstone are gallstone and rhinestone, and I'm having a hell of a time trying to fit them into my song.

So I took another approach, I looked for inspiration from history; and hit a brick wall.

No famous aboriginal warrior's deeds have survived the ages. No reckless outlaws like Ned Kelly or Ben Hall have lived here, or even moseyed in for a beer.

There's no record of any great horse rider pointing his pony's nostrils over a cliff-face then digging in his spurs in to see what happens next; and lived to tell the tale.

There's been no big disasters, train wrecks, monumental stuff ups or great battles fought here.

We're also bit light on for icons too, which isn't making my life any easier I can tell you.

Undaunted I leaped into my mighty Kia and went for a putter around town to drum up some inspiration. Trying to describe the moonlight over the mudflats while being mauled by sand-flies didn't do much for my poetic muse.

The sight of our big industries lit up like sprawling, psychedelic Christmas trees at night was pretty breathtaking, unfortunately so was the smell.

So I pushed further afield for inspiration and came up with 'Go go to Ubobo', 'Meet ya at Beecher', and 'Wander to Callemondah, Kin Kora and Awoonga'.

But if there's anyone in town who can find words to rhyme with Tannum, Wurdong and Calliope, call me.

Eventually I turned on the radio and headed home to Telina; yet another suburb almost impossible to rhyme.

I listened to the usual list of catastrophe's on the news then the only hit Stealers Wheel ever had came on, 'Stuck in the Middle with You'.

All it took was a few changes to the chorus and, presto, we have a start:

"Fires to the south of us, carnage to the north, here we are stuck in the middle again."

Not a bad place to be I suppose?