Who will survive GoT’s killing spree?
This is your final chance to see some of your favourite Game Of Thrones characters in all their glory - before they get slaughtered next week.
Welcome to a spoiler-filled look at episode two of season eight of GoT. Please look away if you don't want to have the episode (potentially) spoiled, or if you are easily shocked.
This episode was essentially the calm before the storm, finishing with the Night King's army turning up at Winterfell like a bunch of gatecrashing teenagers arriving at a birthday party.
We didn't pop down to King's Landing or the Iron Islands or indeed anywhere. It was all about giving every last character some sort of meaningful scene before they get chopped apart by a massive army of the undead next week.
The burning question, the one thing every fan will be turning to their friends and family and asking is: Was this episode laden with dramatic irony, cunning foreshadowment or a mix of both?
All right, actually most of them will be saying: "I can't believe that Arya shagged Gendry!"
Leaving aside that somewhat bewildering scene, which is surely the death warrant for poor Gendry - although last season showed he can run faster than Forrest Gump so might get away after all - we had bags of hints as to who will live and die.
QUEENSLAND TRUE CRIME PODCAST SERIES LAUNCH
The biggest one was obviously Tyrion telling a motley crew that: 'I think we might live".
Sitting around him were Podrick, Brienne, Tormund, Davos Seaworth and Jaime.
So was this dramatic irony and all but Tyrion will die, leaving him to regret his rash statement?
I think it was more foreshadowing, and they will all live. However, both Tormund and Jaime cannot make it to the end of the show. They both love Brienne. She and Jaime spent too much time smouldering at each other this episode for that to end happily. My gut says they both live through the battle but Jaime doesn't live through dealing with Cersei.
Then we had Ser Davos finding a brave little orphan girl with a facial scar who looked eerily like Shireen Baratheon. Will she save his life and he adopt her and they both get a lovely ending? Or will he die saving her to finish his story? Let's hope the former.
Sadly, things don't looks good for many other characters.
For instance, what on earth was Grey Worm thinking of when he promised to take Missandei to the beach when they have won the battle? He might as well have painted a sign on his armour saying: "Come get me Night King".
And poor Lyanna Mormont. Telling her cousin Ser Jorah that she won't hide and wants to fight. Someone that brave and beautiful is obviously going to die horribly.
Likewise Theon's emotional reunion with Sansa and offer to guard Bran from the Night King almost guarantees his death. Still, it shows he's got some balls to volunteer for that … so to speak.
Then we have all the others heading off to the crypts because "that's the safest place". Deep in the earth, surrounded by dead people. Oh yes, perfectly safe! Obviously the undead will turn up there and cowards will have to become heroes etc.
Anyway, let's have a quick roundup of the theories.
The next episode will tell us who this is. It has to. Firstly, where is Melisandre? Euron sailed to the east and back and Theon to the Iron Islands and back and she still hasn't made it back to Westeros in time to tell everyone about the Prince/Princess That Was Promised to kill the Night King. That will teach her to use public transport. She's probably still waiting at a station in Qarth while a bored flunkey intones: "Sydney Trains apologises for the inconvenience". Or is she biding her time, ready to ride to the rescue next episode? The current plan is to use Bran as bait for the Night King and then destroy him with dragon fire. That sounds like a great scene but it won't be that easy. He will survive dragon fire, so they'll need to find another way to kill him. Hello, Azor Ahai. And it's really looking like Jon is going to kill Dany to create the magical sword that can slay the Night King.
He's back! But nobody seemed to notice him or comment on it or ask where he has been. Still, at least he can take down a zombie polar bear before he gets killed next episode.
Tyrion was banging on about how at least Cersei won't get to kill him. So it feels like Bronn will turn up with the Tywin-killing-crossbow and that will be the excuse to go kill Cersei. Maybe Bronn will even kill Jaime but I can't see that. It would ruin Bronn as a character.
Until now, it was all about Dany taking the throne and restoring order. But this episode had her at odds with both Sansa and Jon about that. It now feels like she will never take the throne.
We finally got some motivation for him this episode. He wants to wipe out all men's memory and have the endless night of the dead. He hates "memories". That's new - I didn't realise the songs of Barbra Streisand had made it to Westeros. Anyway, obviously there is something in the past that can defeat him. Perhaps those mystic shapes he keeps making out of dead people? Obviously Bran is going to have to go into the past and discover his secret weakness. Naturally it would have made more sense to have done it earlier, rather than leave it to the last moment but if we wanted logic we wouldn't be GoT fans.
Next episode will be the battle. It will make Battle of the Bastards look like a couple of toddlers squabbling over Lego. When it finishes, we'll be counting the cost. Many characters won't make it through. This episode gave us the chance to savour them one last time.