Five ways to have better sex in 2020
When Body & Soul magazine surveyed almost 4000 Australians about their sex lives, the results confirmed some long-held suspicions.
For a start, we quite like getting it on, with 17 per cent racking up five to eight bedroom sessions in a given month and 20 per cent hitting the mattress weekly. What with the pressures of work, family and Netflix, that's quite the accomplishment.
That said, almost half of men - surprise, surprise - yearned for a more adventurous sex life compared with only 28 per cent of women.
A curious - or should that be not at all curious - two per cent most definitely did not want things ramped up behind closed doors.
Here at news.com.au, we live to help, so as the new decade dawns, we've compiled a bunch of ways to make the 2020s your most sexually fulfilling yet. You're welcome.
DO IT FOR THE PLANET
As with so many other consumer areas, sex products are becoming environmentally aware. Because the only thing you want to screw is your partner - not the planet. Check out condom brands like Jonny that eschew petrochemicals for natural materials like latex and come in biodegradable bags so you can pop used condoms in the bin instead of flushing them down the drain where spermicides can have a detrimental effect on marine life. While you're down there, invest in some Good Clean Love lubricant. It's the first carbon-neutral product of its kind and relies on aloe vera, xanthin gum and agar to get the job done
GO BEYOND THE BEDROOM
While you may refer to the ol' Sealy as the workbench, there's no reason not to get the tools out in other areas of the house. Seriously, pull the curtains, crank the stereo and have a party for two - or one or three for that matter. Kitchen bench tops - wiped-down, obvs - and the arms of sofas allow you to clamber into positions that beds do not. Give 'em a crack and if you're stumped for possible configurations, set your browser on private mode (every man on the planet will know how to do this) and google Kama Sutra. Which is not a new resort just outside of Kuta BTW. One word of warning though - just make sure the surface you choose can accommodate the weight of two fully grown adults. Because that's a story you don't really want to be telling at the emergency room.
CHECK OUT SOME LADY PORN
No not that kind. What your average non-porn consumer might not know - particularly if she is female - is that there is an entire genre dedicated to the titillation of women, by women for women. The Feminist Porn Awards can guide you through this enticing new world with everything from the most vanilla passion to deep kink and most everything in between. It's worth a look if you like the idea of X-rated material but have been somewhat put off by the mainstream stuff you've encountered to date.
NO MORE FAKING IT
Remember that "Chanel" bag you bought in Thailand that did the job for a few weeks but fell apart leaving you unfulfilled and slightly disappointed? Even though you knew that was what the long-term results would be. Well that's what simulating orgasms is. Make 2020 the year you narrow the orgasm gap at your place. Easy to say right? But instead of acting in bed, how about talking? Tell your partner when, where and how you want to be touched then respond in kind. And when they get it right, by all means feel free to exaggerate your responses. But you probably won't have to. It's can be an awkward conversation to initiate and conduct but the more you do it, the easier and more fulfilling it will become.
WATCH THIS SPACE
Okay, we get this is a tough one. But hear us out. It's time to touch yourself. In front of your partner. Why on earth would you want to do that when there's someone in the room who actually wants to be stimulating you erotically? Because for all their enthusiasm and experience, no one knows what works for you better than you. Makes sense right? The idea that masturbation is somehow shameful or not to be acknowledged is quite frankly bullsh*t. It's actually a pathway to better, more fulfilling sex. For a start, you get to see your partner in a whole new erotic light - quite literally if you're a "do it in the dark" couple. But more importantly, by paying close attention to their technique you will be better at replicating it and hello more orgasms. Moreover, it will prove to you that your partner could and should find your body sexy.
David Smiedt is a stand-up comedian and freelance writer | @Dsmiedt