Dropping drink a sign tongs were no substitute for hands

WELCOME to no-rant city. This episode is all about bionic people.

I may or may not have indulged in too many alcoholic beverages last weekend, resulting in me proclaiming myself to be Edward Tongahands, distant relative of Edward Scissorhands, but with barbecue tongs for hands.

Got me thinking, how hard would it be if you actually had tongs for hands?

Popularity at a barbecue would be huge, but aside from that, it would be a nightmare.

In my rambling state I attempted to "help" by picking up whole segments of chicken and throwing them in the salad, before trying to use a knife and fork with tongs instead of hands.

Not easy!

As I went for a much-needed sip of bourbon, the can slipped through the clutches of my chicken-greased tongs, spilling on the floor.

It was then that I understood why tongs, hooks and claws would not, despite previous beliefs, be awesome to have as hands.

Luckily I was able to niftily grab a chux, with the tongs, and wipe the spilt bourbon up.

But imagine trying to do menial tasks like turn on a fan, with the little, round switches. Near impossible with tongs for hands.

Driving could be challenging.

Impersonating a crab on the dance floor would be about the only positive I could see coming out of the situation.

Count Everest out. There's no way you could get up that bad girl with tongs for hands.

Handshakes could get equally awkward. Just ask Captain Hook.

Either way I think it's safe to say that hulk-hands would be the only practical solution when it comes to choosing bionic or prosthetic attachments, should the need arise.

Question of the Fortnight:

If you were ploughing a field which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?